How to get over the fear of having people critique your work

Shocking news: it's another numbered list.

One of the scariest — and yet most exciting — parts of writing a story is getting feedback on it. You wrote a thing! You want people to love it! That’s very relatable.

But it can be intimidating to get critical comments on something you’ve put weeks, months, sometimes years of effort into creating. That’s normal. But to improve the story and help it reach its final, most excellent form, those critical comments can help a lot.

So, how to get over the fear.

First of all, I want to specify that we’re talking about critiques from writing buddies, beta readers, editors, and other people you’ve asked to give you feedback. I’m not talking about reactions from readers and professional reviewers after the book is done. That’s a different topic!

We’re talking about early feedback while the book is still being written and revised.

And if you haven’t read it yet, you might find this letter about starting a critique group useful!

---

1. Make sure your critique partner (or whoever) is on the same page as you, regarding what you need right now. It can help to communicate what you need. Big, structural comments? Consistency errors? Cheerleading?

Recently, I sent my agent something I was working on, along with a note that said “be gentle!” . . . even though she always is. (Sorry for freaking you out a little, Lauren!) But I was feeling especially vulnerable when I sent the pages to her, and that was my way of communicating what I needed: real feedback on the direction I was taking, but, like, tell me my book is pretty, too.

Letting them know where you are — in the process and emotionally — will help them give you the kind of feedback that will be the most helpful for you at this stage. And you’ll be prepared for the kind of comments they might offer.

2. Remember, it isn’t a critique on you as a human. Don’t allow your self worth to become dependent on how someone responds to your work. I know how you get there, though. And for some of us, it’s a constant battle of reminding ourselves that how someone feels about my work isn’t how they feel about me.

When someone has a critical comment about your book, it’s about the book.

3. The goal of getting this feedback is to improve the book — to get it closer to your vision for the story. Sure, not all feedback will actually take you closer to that vision — and part of improving as a writer is learning how to tell what to apply and what to set aside — but the actual purpose is to help.¹ It’s not to hurt your feelings. The intention behind the feedback is positive and loving. And when you accept that, it’s a whole lot easier to take some of those bigger notes.

4. It might help to put some distance between you and the book. And by distance, I mean time.

I, for one, love to write in a haze of literary infatuation. But, as I mentioned earlier, sharing something at that stage can feel extremely vulnerable! It can be difficult to accept critical feedback when your story is still your most perfect child. When you’ve had some time away from it, though, and you’re starting to sense that it could be better than it is . . . it’s easier to hear critique and figure out how to use it to improve the story.

5. Before you open any kind of notes on your book, decide if you’re ready to read them.

Sometimes, it’s just not the right time to open an edit letter. If you’re in a bad mood already, it’s probably good to wait until you’re feeling better. It’s a whole lot easier to accept criticism — and decide what is useful to you — when you’ve had a good night sleep, plenty of water, a snack . . . whatever.

6. And finally, it’s okay to read the feedback, set it aside for a couple days or a week, and then come back to it after you’ve had some time to fully absorb it.

You don’t have to dive right into editing your book. Heck, even if you read the note and think they’re all exactly what your book needs, I’d suggest sitting on it for a little while. Let your brain do the background work for a bit. That way, you can avoid the trap — one I have fallen into! — of doing a bunch of work right away, then, after thinking about the notes a little more, having to back and do all that work again.

As we all know, writing is not exactly a fast process! It takes time to mull things over, then go through the manuscript and do a thorough job of wrestling it into the proper shape.

---

I know getting feedback can be tough, especially when you’re new to getting it, or when you’ve written something particularly meaningful to you. But I think it is something that gets easier with practice, especially if you know and trust the people who’re reading for you.

And if you’ve recently gotten some feedback on your manuscript — or you’ve just finished and you’re not sure what kind of feedback to ask for at this stage — here’s a letter I sent a couple of years ago about renovating a house editing a whole book.

Do you have any advice for folks who might be nervous about getting feedback? Let me know what I missed!

1. I should add: because this isn’t a perfect, ideal world, sometimes the intent isn’t to help you, but to tear you down a little. And oof, if that happens to you, I’m sorry. I’d consider whether it’s good for either of you to be critique partners. Not everyone should be, even if you’re good friends otherwise. It’s okay to keep some things separate.