The comparison one is killer! I have gotten better at managing social media for the most part but every once in a while I'll be like, man why do I feel so depressed all the sudden? And it's like, oh, because I just spent an hour unnecessarily scrolling lol.
Yeah, I think it's really important to pay attention to how you're feeling when you open a social app, how you're feeling when you're scrolling, and how you feel once you've put it down. Are any of those *good* feelings? If they're just sad or numb feelings... Well...
When my husband and I went out for our anniversary a few weeks ago, I had this "Do I really need to share this?" moment. It was like a switch had flipped. I took pictures of our fancy desert and then selfies while we were playing pinball at a place downtown to celebrate 22 years of marriage and I finally said, "I don't own anyone anything." People didn't care, nor did they need to know, how we celebrated over two decades of marriage. We (collective we) were trained to share everything for years (remember when we checked in everywhere we went???) and now we need to give ourselves permission to pick and choose what we share and who we share it with.
I am liberally blocking and muting and now deleting as many bots from my IG as I can find. I'm unfollowing "friends" who unfollowed me ages ago without my knowledge. I want my feed to be about me as a writer and traveler, period. The more private details of my life will come out in my blog (here on Substack) where people have decided that they want to commit to the journey.
Finally, I'm working on not comparing myself to other others and trying to embrace each moment and learn from people who are more successful (in terms of books sold) than me.
Oh I'm so glad you had that moment and decided you *don't* have to share your anniversary. I do remember when folks were checking in here and their, how dangerous it felt to just give away that information to random people, and how it helped to normalize the oversharing. It's such a relief to me to see so many people deciding to pull back, even just a little.
I think it's mostly just assumed that authors will do it these days! Because for the most part, no one needs our books to succeed more than we do. So we'll do everything possible, just to say we did our very best. :/
I need to ask for clarification. I thought we were talking authors feeling like they must be on social media in order to have a career, but now I'm not sure.
It was such a huge shift in my life when I realized that I don't have to be on social media. That it wasn't really affecting my book sales at all. I was miserable because of how much time I was spending on there and how much it took over my brain, and how much writing I wasn't getting done.
Thanks for saying this! I'm wondering, however, if it's possible to follow your advice if I'm looking to get trad published. If the expectation is that I'm going to promote myself on social media, I can't do that without using it. Aren't I going to be shooting myself in the foot in terms of finding representation if I decide to quit them all?
I would argue that if you are on social media you don’t need representation because you are representing yourself by being there. You don’t actually have to have an agent to negotiate a publishing deal.
I disagree. Being on social media and needing an agent don't have anything to do with each other. An agent is representing authors to publishing houses -- and most won't even look at a book unless there's an agent attached.
Authors should not represent themselves to publishers, in general. We're not copyright lawyers (most of us, anyway), so we don't know how to negotiate a good contract. An agent does. They have the leverage, and they can be the bad guy when need be. Their job doesn't end at negotiation, either. An agent will work with an author all through the publishing process, advocating for them whenever anything comes up.
I don’t want an argument about this as I am not trying to prove that I am right or to waste my (valuable) time. Authors are free to contact publishers. There is no law that says they cannot whether it is the best advice is something else.
A good agent isn't going to care if you have a major social media presence or not. Neither is a publisher. They might care that you're there and you're willing to post every now and then, but the main draw to taking you on is always going to be your book.
There's a huge spectrum between "not online at all" and "online to the determent of mental health." What I'm advocating for in all my points above is a more measured approach to using social media, and reminding writers that there's only so much we can do to move the needle. That fear of shooting oneself in the foot by NOT doing literally everything possible is one of the reasons people end up investing more time in social media than is actually good for them -- I'm speaking from experience!
Only you can decide how much you want to be on social media. And that will probably change over time! :)
Echoing Jodi here on both fronts. Many authors don't promote heavily on social media, many do. Unfortunately there's no solid evidence that either has any real impact on the # of people who buy your book. So it's really down to if you enjoy the social media experience or not.
Regarding agents, you don't NEED an agent to negotiate a publishing deal, but most publishers do not take unagented submissions and no new author knows what a normal or great deal looks like because they've never seen one before, let alone dozens or scores of them. It's a bit like the adage about a lawyer not representing themselves in court tho in this case it'd be like random person with no law expertise representing themselves. Can you do it? Sure. Is it a good idea? Well...🙄
Finally, you don't need social media to find an agent (altho checking out their interactions on social media may give you a sense of what they want their public persona to be, what circles they orbit, etc.). The pertinent info about who they are, who they rep, what they're looking for should be discoverable via their website or query sites.
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question, Jodi and Ryan! That's so helpful and kind of you. I see all these things about "must do social media" and "debut author got book deal because of their bazillion BookTok followers" and I'm like... but how? And if I try and do that, when will I write? Social media is such a huge time and creativity drag. (And it's not like I'm ever going to be able to write full time, either. I need as much of that precious focussed writing time as I can get!)
Man, I would not want to get into publishing *anything* without an agent. They do so much. Yikes.
I've got a post coming...eventually...that talks a little about whether or not you need a massive social media following, but the spoiler is: no. You absolutely do not. Some people are exceptions but most of us are not. :)
Spend your time writing! I can't WAIT for the opportunity to read your book.
Amen to all of this! Thank you for these timely reminders.
I'm always happy to jump in and remind authors that their real job is to WRITE BOOKS for me to read.
The comparison one is killer! I have gotten better at managing social media for the most part but every once in a while I'll be like, man why do I feel so depressed all the sudden? And it's like, oh, because I just spent an hour unnecessarily scrolling lol.
Yeah, I think it's really important to pay attention to how you're feeling when you open a social app, how you're feeling when you're scrolling, and how you feel once you've put it down. Are any of those *good* feelings? If they're just sad or numb feelings... Well...
Such great points, Jodi. I’m really reevaluating how I use social media this year. I don’t just want to add to the endless noise.
I really get the feeling that a lot of us are reconsidering our social media use. It's just...so much.
I love your yarn and cat pics!
Thank you!!
Oh my goodness. Yes to so much of this.
When my husband and I went out for our anniversary a few weeks ago, I had this "Do I really need to share this?" moment. It was like a switch had flipped. I took pictures of our fancy desert and then selfies while we were playing pinball at a place downtown to celebrate 22 years of marriage and I finally said, "I don't own anyone anything." People didn't care, nor did they need to know, how we celebrated over two decades of marriage. We (collective we) were trained to share everything for years (remember when we checked in everywhere we went???) and now we need to give ourselves permission to pick and choose what we share and who we share it with.
I am liberally blocking and muting and now deleting as many bots from my IG as I can find. I'm unfollowing "friends" who unfollowed me ages ago without my knowledge. I want my feed to be about me as a writer and traveler, period. The more private details of my life will come out in my blog (here on Substack) where people have decided that they want to commit to the journey.
Finally, I'm working on not comparing myself to other others and trying to embrace each moment and learn from people who are more successful (in terms of books sold) than me.
Oh I'm so glad you had that moment and decided you *don't* have to share your anniversary. I do remember when folks were checking in here and their, how dangerous it felt to just give away that information to random people, and how it helped to normalize the oversharing. It's such a relief to me to see so many people deciding to pull back, even just a little.
Like with all things, it took us a long time to get where we are now. It's going to take awhile for us to fix how we deal with our online lives.
No one has to do this. Publishers who specify it should be avoided.
I think it's mostly just assumed that authors will do it these days! Because for the most part, no one needs our books to succeed more than we do. So we'll do everything possible, just to say we did our very best. :/
That is very understandable but I assume you are in the United States. I’m in England and the internet does not function in quite the same way.
I need to ask for clarification. I thought we were talking authors feeling like they must be on social media in order to have a career, but now I'm not sure.
Thank you so much for this. I really needed it!
Glad to help! I hope you do something really fun with any free time you create for yourself!
It was such a huge shift in my life when I realized that I don't have to be on social media. That it wasn't really affecting my book sales at all. I was miserable because of how much time I was spending on there and how much it took over my brain, and how much writing I wasn't getting done.
I am SO glad you freed yourself, Julie! It's such a wonderful feeling.
Thanks for saying this! I'm wondering, however, if it's possible to follow your advice if I'm looking to get trad published. If the expectation is that I'm going to promote myself on social media, I can't do that without using it. Aren't I going to be shooting myself in the foot in terms of finding representation if I decide to quit them all?
I would argue that if you are on social media you don’t need representation because you are representing yourself by being there. You don’t actually have to have an agent to negotiate a publishing deal.
I disagree. Being on social media and needing an agent don't have anything to do with each other. An agent is representing authors to publishing houses -- and most won't even look at a book unless there's an agent attached.
Authors should not represent themselves to publishers, in general. We're not copyright lawyers (most of us, anyway), so we don't know how to negotiate a good contract. An agent does. They have the leverage, and they can be the bad guy when need be. Their job doesn't end at negotiation, either. An agent will work with an author all through the publishing process, advocating for them whenever anything comes up.
Being on social media doesn't change any of that.
I assume you are in the United States.
I don’t want an argument about this as I am not trying to prove that I am right or to waste my (valuable) time. Authors are free to contact publishers. There is no law that says they cannot whether it is the best advice is something else.
A good agent isn't going to care if you have a major social media presence or not. Neither is a publisher. They might care that you're there and you're willing to post every now and then, but the main draw to taking you on is always going to be your book.
There's a huge spectrum between "not online at all" and "online to the determent of mental health." What I'm advocating for in all my points above is a more measured approach to using social media, and reminding writers that there's only so much we can do to move the needle. That fear of shooting oneself in the foot by NOT doing literally everything possible is one of the reasons people end up investing more time in social media than is actually good for them -- I'm speaking from experience!
Only you can decide how much you want to be on social media. And that will probably change over time! :)
Echoing Jodi here on both fronts. Many authors don't promote heavily on social media, many do. Unfortunately there's no solid evidence that either has any real impact on the # of people who buy your book. So it's really down to if you enjoy the social media experience or not.
Regarding agents, you don't NEED an agent to negotiate a publishing deal, but most publishers do not take unagented submissions and no new author knows what a normal or great deal looks like because they've never seen one before, let alone dozens or scores of them. It's a bit like the adage about a lawyer not representing themselves in court tho in this case it'd be like random person with no law expertise representing themselves. Can you do it? Sure. Is it a good idea? Well...🙄
Finally, you don't need social media to find an agent (altho checking out their interactions on social media may give you a sense of what they want their public persona to be, what circles they orbit, etc.). The pertinent info about who they are, who they rep, what they're looking for should be discoverable via their website or query sites.
All good points, Ryan!
Thanks for taking the time to answer my question, Jodi and Ryan! That's so helpful and kind of you. I see all these things about "must do social media" and "debut author got book deal because of their bazillion BookTok followers" and I'm like... but how? And if I try and do that, when will I write? Social media is such a huge time and creativity drag. (And it's not like I'm ever going to be able to write full time, either. I need as much of that precious focussed writing time as I can get!)
Man, I would not want to get into publishing *anything* without an agent. They do so much. Yikes.
I've got a post coming...eventually...that talks a little about whether or not you need a massive social media following, but the spoiler is: no. You absolutely do not. Some people are exceptions but most of us are not. :)
Spend your time writing! I can't WAIT for the opportunity to read your book.